So it's been almost a week since Kili was born. I weighed myself when we got home - I delivered Kili at 164 pounds. I came home at 154 pounds. I'm currently sitting at 151 pounds, and already back into the clothes I was wearing before I got pregnant. Now, part of me is uber-excited. It shows me that I can keep losing the weight if I stick to my gluten-free diet, breastfeeding, and maybe a touch of exercise (EEK!). The other part of me is sickened. Here I am, finally bouncing back the way everyone was so sure I would the first two times around, but now my body is already a train wreck. I already have these huge stretch marks that look like bear claws... I already have the extra skin that comes with excessive weight gain... I won't ever wear a bikini. EVAR. I don't care if the stretch marks fade. I don't care if I get some tone back in the skin. It's never gonna happen. I'm 25 for crying out loud. TWENTY FIVE. And I can't stand to have my clothes off, or even be minimally clothed. I'd shower in a swimsuit if I thought I'd get just as clean...
Why couldn't I have gotten diagnosed 5 years sooner? How much less weight would I have gained during pregnancy? I gained over 50 pounds with Mega and around the same with T-Rex, but by eating just as much, if not more, with Kili, I gained FOURTEEN pounds... I never would have hit 140, let alone 175! How much less damage would there be to my skin? Would breastfeeding have been affected? Would I have lost the weight faster and easier? WTF? Why couldn't I know what was causing half the problems sooner so that I wouldn't have had to deal with all this crap... It's not like I didn't already have issues with my body and food, but now this...
On the bright side, I am MELTING. Seriously, my stomach is as flat now as it was about 8 months after each of the boys were born. No lie. It freaked me out. DH pointed it out and I didn't believe him until I got out of the shower this morning and really stopped (eww) to look at myself. It's INSANE. So... If nothing else, here's hoping the trend continues and that I can get back down to at least 130-135... I'd prefer less than that, but I am trying to be realistic...
*sigh*
*Day 73: I am grateful for a fairly easy baby. Woot woot!!!
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